Crazy Thoughts From a Recovering Lazy-Ass

18 Oct

The weight loss process is definitely a marathon- not a sprint, and I’ve been able to view the journey with a sense of humor…even on some of my harder days in the beginning.  I thought that every once in a while, I’d give you a look at some of the funny or awkward things that I think about. Below are some of the thoughts that go through my head while I run, stretch, eat healthy and basically just try to live as a FIT bitch!

Thoughts on a run around my neighborhood:

As I was running up a steep,  1/4 mile hill: “God I hope my boobs don’t shrink too much…this is really gonna suck if my boobs get small..oh well at least my stomach will be flat…nature’s a real bitch…why must a hotter ass have to be accompanied by smaller, likely saggier boobs!!! NOOOO!  Okay don’t try to make excuses to stop running up this hill…”

While  finishing up my 4th mile: “Shit I really think the toenail on the toe next to my big toe is going fall off, okay I’ll try to curl my toes under…why the hell does it randomly feel like my goddamn toe nail is about to get torn off!?!? God did I not cut my toenail short enough?  This feels disgusting”  To this day I have no idea why my toenail felt like this. I still get chills just thinking of that sensation last week!!!

While trying to force myself to run instead of walk after work one night:  “Wow If I don’t pick my feet up and start jogging right now, I’m a filthy savage. People with no brain like Kim Kar-fucking-dashian go running. So get your ass sprinting!!”   I then continue to picture how stupid the Kardashians are as way to motivate myself to run.  Those half-brain, wealthy sisters literally have no souls. So if they can muster up the will power to run, it should be a piece of cake for me (pardon the pun!)

The is the view at the end of my street. If this can't motivate me to run I'm a complete idiot.

Thoughts while at the gym:

On the treadmill at 24hour Fitness in Point Loma: “Okay I realize that the person next to me might not realize they smell like a vinegar & gorgonzola stew, but if I  get one more whiff of their cheesy sweat I’m gonna vomit all over this machine.”  (I then cast a disgusting look in the smelly dude’s general direction and cover my nose.) “How is it that someone thinks it’s acceptable to be this filthy, how dare they create a cloud of stench near me?”   Nothing enrages me more than when I’m working out and feel like I was slapped in the face with a fermenting adult diaper with someone’s body odor.

Thoughts on the drive home from work:

While sitting in my car-starving: “Dude, I’m totally getting burrito on the way home from work tonight. It’s not a big deal I mean it’s just a bean and cheese burrito…In fact, it’s probably healthy for me to get one because there’s so much fiber in the beans.  I haven’t had one in weeks and I’ll just get this one then I won’t get another one for like a month.”  I continue driving along the 8W freeway, heading towards my coastal neighborhood of Ocean Beach. “Yeah that’s it. I’m getting a burrito. Yep. That’s what I’m doing, and I’ll probably just eat half of it anyway.”  As I exit the freeway and turn on to Sunset cliffs Blvd, I realize I’m an idiot and my old fat self is desperately trying to sneak its way back into my life.  I muster up all my willpower and decided I’m a moron for even considering eating a 700 calorie burrito for dinner.  I have an arugula salad and some crackers with hummus instead.  These debates are hilarious because they’re between me, myself and I.  I just have to let the better me be the winner!



One Response to “Crazy Thoughts From a Recovering Lazy-Ass”

  1. k9sherri October 18, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    You are normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: